My Date Farted in My Car

It was 11:00pm. My date and I had just left PF Changs. A few minutes later, I was speeding to the hospital with my broken-armed date in tow, asking myself : “Where did it all go wrong?”

The Pre-Date

We went out to lunch earlier in the day. During this “pre-date”, he shared a few interesting stories. For example, he talked about having guns pulled out on him, about fighting to defend his friends and *feel free to insert any other foolery you can think of*. His defense? “I’m a good guy. I’m just always in the right place at the wrong time.” Right. He then invited me to accompany him to the movies. Did I say “Hell no!”? Nope. I, grudgingly, said yes. MISTAKE #1

Cinematic and Dramatic

So we got to the movies, early. He purchased the tickets and we sat down at the bar to grab a drink while we waited. We struck up a conversation with a young couple seated next to us. My date was ENTIRELY uncouth! He was tossing around the N word, swearing up a storm and delivering jokes that were only amusing to him. At that point, I was drinking just to become numb.

When he finishes up his act at the bar, we head over to our theater room, late. The ticket lady did not want to let us in because we were a few minutes late! My date suggested that we wait for the next showing (which was an hour later). I wanted to end the night as soon as possible, and so that just was not an option. We ended up calling the manager and he let us go in. I’m assuming he didn’t want to deal with my date’s nonsense for an extra hour either. Movie watching commenced and ended smoothly.

The End (So I Thought)

After our dinner at PF Changs we get into my car. (He didn’t drive -_-). And as I’m driving, he goes : “So, do you want to come back to my place?” I said, “Excuse me?! I’m a bit offended that you would ask me that.” He then goes : “I just want to chill. We can go to a hotel if you’d prefer.” At that point, I just had to laugh. He was a complete numskull! That’s when I asked him to point me in the direction of the nearest metro train so that I can drop him off. I released him and his foolishness from my car and drove away. It was finally over!

Until…I received a phone call from him. Apparently, in the FEW seconds between my dropping him off and driving away, he managed to fall and break his arm. I couldn’t believe it and didn’t want to. And on top of that, he asked me to take him to the hospital. I’m assuming 911 was unavailable?

The Grand Finale

I’m driving this fool around trying to find a hospital. He’s in the passenger seat…cringing and rocking back and forth like a baby. He then musters up the strength to roll down the window. Mind you, it’s 11:00pm. I look at him with confusion and he goes : “I’m sorry. I have to pass gas.” If I was not done with this man before, the gas definitely sealed the deal. I could not believe that he let one RIP in my car!

I finally got him to the hospital and high-tailed it out of there! He did ask me out again a few days later, but I said what I should have said the first time : “Hell no!”

Image courtesy of Patpitchaya – FreeDigitalPhotos