I won’t waste much time answering the question, ‘Is Coffee Meets Bagel the New Tinder?’ It’s not. Whoever created this needs to reheat the coffee and toss out the stale bagels, because this app isn’t taking off anytime soon. Here’s why:
One Match Per Day
Similar to Tinder, CMB (Coffee Meets Bagel) scours through your Facebook connections to select potential matches. However, instead of selecting random FB users like Tinder, CMB pulls matches that are friends of your friends. Great. At least you’ll know that these weirdos are connected to someone you POSSIBLY know (Let’s be real. We don’t know half of the people we’re friends with on Facebook). Everyday at noon, you’re presented with a potential match. Just one. You then have an entire 24 hours to decide whether or not you want to Like or Pass on this person.
24 hours?! Who needs an entire day to inspect a profile. Let me show you how long it takes me to decide whether or not I like someone :
Second 1 : Attractive? Check.
Second 2 : Tall enough? (sorry, you have to be a certain height to ride this ride)? Check.
Second 0.5 : Bats for my team? (I’ve dated a gay guy once. Accidentally. Never again.)? Check.
2.5 seconds! That’s all it takes. For what purpose would one need 24 hours? This rule was probably established because there are only about four active users on CMB? Why do I think this? Look at what they presented me with at 12:00pm, on my SECOND day of using the app:
Communicate with Matches Via Text
If, after 2.5 seconds or 24 hours, you’ve Liked a potential match and they’ve Liked you in return, the two of you can start communicating. . . via text.
*hold the potatoes and applesauce*
Via text? *waves hand in the air Mariah Carey style* Oh heeeeeell no. Who wants to receive text messages from some random stranger they’ve only known for 24 hours?! At least with Tinder all communication is kept within the confines of the app, that way you can disconnect at any time (Trust me. You’ll need to disconnect!). How can one disconnect from a text message CMB?! How?! In their defense, they do hide your actual telephone number. But still, no.
For those of you interested in giving the app a try, here’s a look at what happens when you match with someone :
Whack. Done. Bye.