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Relationships

Dating

Is It Possible to Over-Communicate?

The other day, I went on a date and I was asked : “Are you the type that likes to be around your significant other all the time and talk all day? Or do you have a life?”

photoExcuuuuuuuuuuse me?!

First of all, if that wasn’t a leading question, I don’t know what is! Second of all, hell yea I’m that type! I’ve no shame in admitting it. If I’m in like with someone, or even just in interest with them, I want to talk to them all the time. That’s how you get to know someone, right!?

The past few men (<—and I use this term loosely) that I’ve dated seemed to have a serious fear of communication (unless of course, I’m not as interesting as I think I am). One guy NEVER charged his phone. It was LITERALLY always dead. And unless I wanted to communicate with him via pigeon mail, we just didn’t talk. Another guy would say “good morning” at 9:00am and then disappear, never to be heard from again, until 9:00pm. 12 hours of non communication!?!? What is a girl supposed to do with that!? By the time he contacted me, I was far too annoyed to deal with his chicanery. Our “relationship” soon ended.

I don’t know about anyone else, but I cannot form a bond unless there is CONSISTENT communication. I just can’t. Now, it’s very possible that I’ve been spoiled rotten by my previous boyfriend. We talked every second of every day. Like me, he was ALWAYS on his phone, always on gchat, always in his email. I couldn’t shake him. But I loved it! I felt like it showed a certain level of commitment and interest (He, of course, turned out to be the worst kind of cheater. But that’s neither here nor there).

I want that connectedness with the next guy that I date.
Am I asking too much?

Dating

Special Shoutout

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This is a special shoutout to my good friend Angela, who left a beautiful response to my latest post, What’s Love Without Passion?
Thank you for sharing your perspective!
And, yes. She’s one of the lucky ones who will soon be walking down the aisle. Congrats!

Peep Angela’s response below :

“Many relationships start out with PASSION! But a lot of times when real life hits- bills, unemployment, family problems, death of loved ones, illness, etc- you see that person at their worst and it can be hard to remain passionate. But marriage is full of ups and downs. That giddy butterfly- I’m so obsessed with this boy- feeling comes and goes. It’s hard to be passionate when the man you idolize just let go a fart that almost killed you.

But when you find that one- the hard, bad awful times- seem like nothing- because the awesome wonderful passionate head over heels feelings always come back. And they always feel new when they do.

I’ve found that the most important thing about finding the one you will marry is that they are the one who helps you grow in your relationship with God. After that, the rest is easy.

Sorry for the blog on your blog.”

Dating

What’s Love Without Passion?

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Many of my friends and family members have recently jumped the broom, tied the knot and surrendered their eternities to some significant somebody. *cough* lucky bastards *cough*.

I am genuinely happy for all those who have found “the one”. Really, I am! However, it seems like some people are entering into relationships and marriages with people that they’re merely in like with, or worse, in lust. They’re more caught up in the idea of marriage and the idea of partnership than the actual feeling of love. The truth is that a lot of these people are in dead end relationships, with dead end partners, heading towards dead end futures. And yet, the ideas make them stay.

That’s all fine and dandy . . . for them.  However, when it comes to me, I don’t want a lackluster love. I want passion. I want to be engulfed by and overcome with genuine feelings of love when I think about my husband. I want to be impregnated by his undying desire and eventually birth our 9 month old future. I want passion. And for that, I’d wait a lifetime.

 For if love is anything less than passionate, what’s the point?

Photo courtesy of Digitalart – FreeDigitalPhotos

Dating

“I Love That Skin Color On You”

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Saturday night I went to a lounge with one of my good friends. We were dancing around and minding our own business, when all of a sudden, I noticed this man staring at me. He looked like he wanted to devour my entire life and have my after life for dessert.

For obvious reasons, I avoided his gaze. I was pretty successful at ignoring him until he came over and asked me to dance. I could have said no. After all, I was pretty exhausted from dancing with air all night. However, I decided to give him a chance.

We walked over to the dance floor and started dancing, face-to-face. Within minutes, I was overcome by the strong smell of cigarettes. I literally thought my lungs were going to emerge from my mouth and slap us both. I soon decided to turn around and dance, butt-to-gut. He then whispered in my ear :

Cigarette Breath : “Turn around so I can see that beautiful face.”
Me : *holds breath and turns around*
Cigarette Breath : “I love that skin color on you.”
Me : *Blank stare* “I have to go.”

I really did not know how to handle that comment! I love that skin color on you?! As if I had a choice when getting dressed for the night. Hmmm, what skin color should I put on tonight : white, yellow, blue, brown? No Cigarette Breath. I do not have different skin colors hanging in my closet. No Cigarette Breath. My chocolate skin is not an accessory. No Cigarette Breath. I was neither flattered nor impressed by your statement.

Now I know that he meant not a bit of harm. However, that statement gave me the fuel that I needed to propel my butt and my lungs away from him and back to the air (<— Don’t underestimate air….best dance partner ever).

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Dating

My Date Forgot His Wallet

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The other night, I went out to dinner with this guy. We ate. . . had a good time. . . and then the bill came :

Him : “Thanks for dinner!”

Me : “What do you mean thanks? We’re splitting the bill right?”

Him : “Oh. I thought you said that you were going to cover it.”

Me : “*blank stare* No. Those words actually never formulated in my mind, let alone made their way out of my mouth.”

Him : “Oh. Well I forgot my wallet at home.”

Me :

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g2wD5TaMf2k&w=420&h=315]

O!M!G!
As if my life wasn’t perturbed enough by this petite man’s chicanery!
How, as a fully grown man, do you invite a woman out to eat and “forget” your wallet?! And then try to pretend as though she said she would pay.

It can’t be too hard to slide a 4×3 pocket-sized money bank into your back pocket. I mean, I remembered to take my purse, my lip gloss, my jewelry, my hair extensions (never leave without em! lol), and all the basic necessities. All he had to do was bring his wallet and his small body. And in all honesty, he could have left the latter at home and just sent his wallet. But no! He showed up . . . wallet-less and shameless!

*smacks forehead*
I would have perceived all of this as an innocent mistake, but given our history and his personality, I knew it was a purposeful act. AND on top of that, I paid for 2/3 of our meal the FIRST time we went out. Not half…TWO-THIRDS! I just can’t continue to entertain this man’s nonsense.

Needless to say, there will not be a follow up date. I’m actually in the process of forgetting this memory in the same place he forgot his wallet.

Too through!

Image courtesy of Scottchan – FreeDigitalPhotos

Online Love

“Are You Planning On Killing Me?”

Whenever I come across a guy that intrigues me, I like to toss out a question or comment that kind of tests his sense of humor. The problem? It’s kind of hard to relay humor via texts to someone you’ve never met. As such, I can sometimes come across as a crazy person! Oh well. I think it’s worth the risk. Because if I can’t make you laugh, and vice versa, it won’t work.

*getting to the point*
Yesterday, I had the following conversation with someone on Tinder (Me = Blue, Him = Grey) :

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I thought my question was funny!
But when I asked my coworkers (yes, we’re that close!) :
“What do you think he’ll say?”
They both replied :
“Nothing. He’s not going to respond! You sound crazy!”

They then went on to say, that because we’ve never met, he’s unfamiliar with my humor.
Due to this unfamiliarity, a question like “are you planning on killing me?” comes across as psycho!

OMG! I strongly disagree!
Well, I can totally see where they’re coming from. BUT, I need a guy that doesn’t take life seriously.
Anybody that’s scared away by a question like that, more than likely wouldn’t be compatible with me.

Moral of the story?

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He responded!

*sings Beyonce’s Bow Down B*tches!*

Online Love

4 Types of Guys Found on Tinder

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As you all know, I’ve been a Tinder participant for a little over a week now.
And although I haven’t gone on any ACTUAL dates (stranger danger!), I’ve had fun.

Initially when I started Tindering, I thought finding something serious was at least a possibility. As the days progressed, I learned that most guys on Tinder aren’t serious about life…let alone finding a relationship. And judging from the comments in my previous post, I’m not the only one that feels this way.

I’ve received quite a few matches and messages (not to toot my own horn….but *toot toot* lol) and I seem to come across the SAME types of guys. (Sorry, I can’t attest to the types of girls that Tinder has to offer…as my swing doesn’t sway that way).

Here’s a breakdown of the four types of guys that I’ve come across thus far :

1. Mr. Corny.

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You guys should already know how I feel about corny. I don’t understand why anyone would send this! Lol, I was so taken aback, I didn’t know what to say. I wasn’t sure if this was a joke, if this was seriously something he wrote or if it came from some movie that I’m supposed to know. I just didn’t get it! In this case, I think a simple, “Hi. How are you?” would have sufficed.

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Really?!?! “Care to volley and see if it’s a ball?” Lol. I can’t even begin to begin with this one!
Would this line work on any of you guys out there?

2. Mr. I’mSoHorny

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Finding the pervs on dating sites is inevitable. Tinder is no different.
I don’t even entertain such foolery.

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I already knew where this one was going!

3. Mr. I’mTooSexy

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Some guys are just interested in pursuing a relationship with themselves. The only reason that they contact women is to get more validation of their hotness. Next!

4. Mr. ICan’tStopIWon’tStop

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Some guys don’t know when or how to just give up. If you’ve messaged me and have not received a response, chances are that I’m not interested in talking. Sending MORE messages will not change that!
I guess, I could start flat out stating, “I don’t like you.”, but some guys don’t even comprehend that…or they see it as a challenge -_-.It’s really hard to set anything up, when I can barely hold a conversation past ONE day with these guys!

*sigh* maybe it’s…. *looks around the room*…me!? Lol.

I’d love to hear some success stories!

 

Online Love

Tinder – The New Craze in Online Dating

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So my friend introduced me to an app that has taken over my life!
Yesterday, I found myself hiding in my company’s bathroom stall so that I could continue to use it. For those of you who are trying to jump the gun…no it’s not Candy Crush (I never boarded that train). The app to which I’m referring is called Tinder.

If you haven’t heard of Tinder, grab a seat for this brief introduction.
Here’s how it works :

1. Create a Profile – Tinder allows you to select up to 5 photos (although I’ve seen someone with 7) from your Facebook page and upload them to your profile. The pics MUST come from your Facebook page. You’re then able to specify your sex, the desired sex, your age and the desired age range (although I keep seeing 18 year-old kids! I’m not about that life!).

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Besides the photos, the only other way to personalize your profile is with a brief tagline :

 

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2. Start Rating! The app allows you to either “Like” or pass on a person based on the photo that you see. If you like what you see in the first photo, you can visit their profile to view more images. Or if you’re a bit more impulsive, like me, you can pass judgement based on the first photo that you see. If someone’s photo isn’t buttering your biscuits, you can pass, simply by swiping their photo to the left. A big NOPE will appear across their face (lol so sad) and they’ll be banished to the world of the rejects.

Now, if you Like someone, you simply select the check mark. If they’ve already come across your picture and have also Liked yours, you’re considered a “Match”. Only after you’ve been Matched with someone, can you begin a conversation. I guess this limits the amount of random hit ups!

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Once you’ve Matched with someone, you can either be the initiator and make first contact, or you can wait for your Prince Charming/Cinderella to message you.

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All of your Matches are saved as well as your conversations.

What I really like about Tinder is that it allows you to see who thinks you’re hot (yes, it’s that superficial) without the fear of rejection. You don’t receive notice when someone Likes or dislikes your photo. You’re only contacted for positive news : a Match! It doesn’t get much better than that!

Has anyone else tried this Tinder app? If yes, please share your thoughts!

Dating

I Like You, But I Can’t Stand Your Mother!

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Have you ever been in a relationship that was moving along swimmingly?
Everything smelled like roses and tasted of candy-coated raindrops.
Then, all of a sudden, those roses started to smell like pig poop and the candy-coated rain drops began to taste like black jelly beans.

What caused the destruction of your relationship wonderland?

Your Potential Mother-in-Law (PMIL)!
I can think of a couple PMILs who I’ve wanted to smack in the head with an expired ham hock! I mean, if I could marry a man without having to inherit his mother, I’d be one happy camper. There’s just something about a mother’s love for her child that makes her act…..crazy. At times, they’re over-protective, over-bearing, and sometimes flat out rude!

One PMIL from my past, could NEVER seem to remember my name. I was the Jabari to her Toni Childs.

                                  

After a while, I simply gave up, and started answering to “What’s your name again?” and “that girl”. Yea, it was annoying…extremely so. But if I wanted to continue dating her son, I had to make it work. And make it work I did….until I found out that her son was a lying, two-faced snake of a man. But that’s neither here nor there :).

I haven’t found a recipe for dealing with a difficult PMIL/MIL. I think you just have to smile and hope that they don’t come to stay with you when they’re old and grey.

Photos courtesy of Ambro – FreeDigitalPhotos

Advice

Help! I’m In Love With A Cheater!

What do you do when you find yourself in love with a cheater?

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You have three options when dealing with a cheating lover :

1. Forgive, forget and stay
2. Retaliate, remember and leave
3. Forgive, forget and move on

That’s pretty much it. Often times, people get into trouble because they attempt to have a little bit of all the options.
No!

Option 1 : Forgive, Forget and Stay

There’s nothing wrong with staying with a cheating lover. Some people can handle that kind of relationship. However, if you decide to stay, you must forgive AND forget. There’s no point in staying if you plan on holding your lover’s past indiscretions over his/her head. The negativity begins to eat away at the relationship just as much as the initial act of cheating did. Eventually, they’ll begin to resent you. . .which could potentially lead them to find solace in the arms of another. And the vicious circle would continue.

Option 2 : Retaliate, Remember and Leave

I think the most instinctive response to a cheater is to hit them where it hurts (sometimes literally). We may key their car, call their mom a b*tch (because we’ve been holding that one in!), slap the baloney out of them and go out with guns blazing, Queen Latifah style.

I’m not an advocate of this option, but sometimes people get pushed to their limits and act accordingly. Now, if you pick this option, you should be ready to pack your belongings and go! Because (1) your grandiose display of crazy was a clear indication that it’s over, (2) They’ve probably called the cops on you, so it’s best to get moving . . . quickly. You can’t act a plum fool and then stay . . .  or decide to forgive and forget. Because while you’re forgiving and forgetting, they’re remembering and revenging.

Option 3 : Forgive, Forget and Move On

This may be the most copacetic option. Sometimes you just have to forgive, forget and move on to greener pastures. Completely and entirely. No tire-slashing. No nagging. No trying to make it work. Just leave. Trust is ridiculously hard to rebuild. And most times, it’s not worth the effort/time to try and reconstruct.

There you have it. Three different ways to deal with a cheating lover. There is a fourth option, but I don’t think any of you would be too fond of sitting in prison next to Sonia Arias and Scott Peterson. So we’ll leave it here 🙂 .

Image courtesy of Ambro, Free Digital Photos